My apologies once again for the long delay between my last broadcast and this one. Things have been more than a little insane and a lot dangerous. The government hasn’t caught up to me yet, and I think I might be in the clear for a while. If what I’ve recently seen is any indication, the government—hell, every government—has much bigger fish to fry.

I know most of you are aware of the alien attack at the ruins of Subterra Bravo and the destruction of the nearby town of Dulce, New Mexico. Scary stuff, right? You have no idea.

The newscasts are telling you it was the Ghin, our former alien allies, that attacked us. That’s bad enough, and that’s what they want you to believe. It’s easier to do damage control against a known enemy. But, folks, I was there. I was in Dulce when it all went down, and I can tell you the things that destroyed that town were definitely not a known enemy.

A little back-story is in order, I suppose. Obviously, I returned to the States. The trail had gone cold in South America, so I came back to the one place where I knew the aliens had been. I went to Dulce, and then I went out into the desert, close to the ruins of Subterra Bravo. I set up my camera, just like I did last time, and waited.

I was out there for a long time, and then, on February 6th, my waiting paid off. Something came out of the sky. It was blurry and indistinct, but I saw the heat it was throwing off, and when whatever it was landed on top of the mesa it seemed to burn right into the ground. Figures appeared out of the blurry shape, obviously an alien craft. Even from a distance, I could tell the figures weren’t human. They were huge, wearing what that looked like some kind of orange-red armored suits.

I took pictures, and then I saw some of the aliens leave the mesa and head toward Dulce. On the way, they ran into a police patrol truck, and then . . . well, it’s awful. I saw bright spots of fire erupt from the aliens and then hit the vehicle—their beam weapons or maybe plasma. The car burst into flames and whoever was inside could not have survived.

Then the aliens attacked Dulce.

The destruction was in full swing by the time I got there. I managed to get on the roof of the Crazy Horse Casino and see some of what happened. These new aliens—they were definitely not Ghin—were fighting with soldiers and military planes overhead. There were only three of these metal-clad creatures, but they were handing our military their collective asses. Their plasma guns could punch through just about anything: planes, artillery pieces, and most certainly people. The creatures were huge and immensely strong—I saw one flip over a car with one hand!—and they moved like soldiers.

It got to be too much after a while, and I knew it was just a matter of time before I was seen, either by them or by our military— both would result in an untimely end for ol’ Insider51. So I got out of there. Luckily, the aliens were preoccupied, and I was able to get out of town. It was a good thing I did. Not minutes later, as I was speeding away from Dulce, the entire sky lit up, and I heard and saw a massive explosion behind me. Apparently the government had chosen to simply give up Dulce as a loss and bomb the hell out of the aliens. I don’t know if it worked. I just wanted to get away, and somehow I did.

I’m distributing the pictures I took of these aliens, and they’re everywhere now. The government won’t be able to hide the truth for long. But what does it all mean? Who are these aliens and what do they want? I got at least part of an answer from an old friend a few days ago. He sent me just three words, and they are maybe the most terrifying words I’ve ever read.

THEY ARE COMING

—Running Man