So, lemme get this straight. Ya lot are schemin’ ta fire up the ol’ gates, crash inna the ruins of Sul, snatch up wot doesn’t try an fry ya, and be gone ‘fore the sun rises? And ya need some muscle, don’t ya now? Well, ya weird lil’ maniac, I got some good news. Ain’t no one tougher than me!

Ya might know me by some of tha names folk tend ta scream when I’m around. “Thief!” “Monster!” “Psycho!” “AHHHHH PLEASE STOP!” But lemme introduce myself proper. Name’s Black Bella, the Scourge of the Ash Coast, the Cap’n of Carnage, the Larceny Lass, the Duchess of Dread.

I could bore ya with my long list o’ accomplishments, but how ‘bout a story instead? Lemme tell ya about the last heist I went on, was a real riot it was.

There I was, in big bad Thunderstone Fortress. Been hired out by Greygore ‘imself, same as yer lookin ta do. I was the brawn, Greygore the brains, and the rest of the crew….well, they was the fodder. So, we fire up the gates, and ya know how finicky those things can be, whole team got scattered across tha place like grapeshot. ‘Fore we had a chance ta figure our bearings, guess what happens next? Another blasted group of scavengers just pops inna spot through the same blasted gates! Can’t stand a party crasher.

Ol’ Boomy starts yellin’ and firin’ away, and the rest of ’em is scramblin’ for cover, but me? I saw this for wot it was. Thamar’s luck it was. Now, we wasn’t gonna just loot Thunderstone, we was gonna loot this lot o’ losers as well!

I take off faster than a fallin’ comet. First thing I see? This big pile of booty just sittin’ on the floor. Back inna day I’d have said, “Now Bella, that there, that’s a trap,” but ya know how it is these days. Everythings a trap, so that ain’t no excuse anymore.

I slide up nice and quick next ta this towering pile of loot, and lo and behold, I spot me a treasure chest. Has some fancy lookin’ locks on it and all. Usin’ my expert lock-pickin’ skill, also referred ta as bashing it ta pieces, I cracked that sucker open and tha gold just came pouring out.

Almost stopped and dove in ta swim around in it, I did, ’til I notice this odd lil’ contraption wot came fallin’ out of tha chest. Looked like a knife on some sorta piston but with a socket on it. Like a bayonet for a sword, as odd as that sounds. Now, I ain’t no tinkerer, I got no clue how the thing worked, so I just strapped it right onta my ol’ dueling blade. Figure the best way ta learn wot a weapon does is ta use it on some sorry sadsack.

My oh my, ya shoulda seen it. Was a thing of beauty, it was. Just as I finish attachin’ the contraption ta my sword, I see that stuck-up nerd Dreyfus comin’ round the treasure pile. He’s spoutin’ off at the mouth ’bout “vanquishing evil” and “m’lady” this and “m’lord” that. Thamar’s burnt biscuits but that nerd gets on me nerves.

Anyway, I swing me blade at his wee lil’ chicken legs hopin’ ta trip him, and the contraption springs ta life, literally! Tha pistons fire, and that big ol’ knife contraption sprung out six feet long. Turned me blade into a pike, it did!

I did manage ta trip the big goof runnin’ at me…right in the head. He came crashin’ down harder than the skies fell, oh my, ya shoulda seen it. His helmet rolled right over, his lil’ chicken legs buckled under all his armor, and he made the cutest little noise ya ever did hear. Sorta like a squeal and a whimper all at once. Hahaha! Best o’ all? He had been carryin’ some loot of his own, which I gladly helped relieve him of.

With the big blue nerd outta the way, things went real smooth for the crew. We looted, we pillaged, and we smacked up those freakin’ wannabes right proper. End of the day, I walked away with a king’s ransom and a few fancy gadgets wot help me with me fightin’.

So whadda ya say…wot was it, yer name, again? Gubbin. was it? Whadda ya say, Gubbin, ya lookin’ ta hire the toughest lass in the wastes? Or are ya the type scared ta get ya hands dirty ta get the deed done?

Atta boy…

Riot Quest releases this week! Check your local store for availability. Want to know more about the game? Visit Riotquest.com for the full game rules, model releases, and video tutorials.